SACRAMENTO — California students may no longer sing “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee” per a new state mandate.  Instead, pupils must recite “We Love Diversity,” a state-revised song that keeps the original melody but improves the lyrics to reflect California’s modern progressive values.

“The existing words are outdated and offensive,” said a state spokesperson. “‘My country’ celebrates how Caucasian Christians stole the land from indigenous peoples. ‘’Tis of thee’ are code words for America First.  The United States is not a ‘sweet land of liberty’ for Dreamers.  ‘Of thee I sing’ reeks of American exceptionalism.  ‘Land where my fathers died’ glorifies war and the patriarchy.  ‘Pilgrims’ were the original white nationalists and ‘pride’ can now only be used by the LGBTQ community.  ‘Mountainside’ triggers images of Mount Rushmore, home to slave owners and Republicans.  And people of color will never hear ‘freedom ring’ as long as Trump is President.”

The updated song lyrics:

We love diversity,
L, G, B, Q and T,
Guns we don’t cling;
Fossil fuels must be banned,
No wall across the land,
Abortion on demand,
Praise the left wing!

“My Country, ‘Tis of Thee,” also known as “America,” is a popular patriotic song that was first performed on July 4, 1831.  The song’s melody is the same as “God Save the Queen,” the national anthem of the United Kingdom.

This is not the first time classic song lyrics have been re-worked for progressive means.  Two singer-songwriters from Minnesota changed the words to the holiday classic “Baby It’s Cold Outside” to emphasize the importance of consent in budding physical relationships.  The two singer-songwriters were not Bob Dylan and Prince.

California students must now sing “We Love Diversity” instead of “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee”
The rest of America will continue to sing “My Country, ‘Tis of Thee”
Two Minnesotans re-wrote “Baby It’s Cold Outside” to make it less “rapey”

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